To trust and to hold
by maneki
Summary: Jack and Ianto are out investigating a spike in rift energy. When they find what caused the spike, Jack is being reminded of a terrible chapter in his past.


**Title:** To trust and to hold

**Warnings:** angsty Jack, some kissing and mild spoilers for Miracle Day, episode 7: "Immortal Sins"

**Notes:** I started this fic before watching "Immortal Sins" but this episode gave it a whole new meaning and in my opinion it gave Jack's and Ianto's relationship a whole new meaning.

Ianto's steps smacked through the mud while he and Jack followed a trail through the Nash wetlands. Dark clouds towered above them in a platin coloured sky. A strong wind persistently tugged at their coats. The sound of the crashing waves even drowned out the cries of the seagulls and any kind of conversation had stopped as soon as they'd gotten near the coastline.

An investigation into an unsual spike of rift energy had brought them near the Uskmouth power stations. About 15 minutes ago they'd had to leave the SUV behind and go on a very windy, very muddy hiking trip. It was a good thing Ianto always had a pair of wellies and a raincoat stored in the back of the car - with the Welsh weather you had to be prepared for everything. They had left the demolished powerstation A behind and went closer to the seaside, it looked like one of the lighthouses was the source of the rift energy.

Since there was no chance for conversation, Ianto let his thoughts wander off while concentrating on not stepping into any too deep puddles.

After Jack had come back from wherever he'd gone off to for a couple of months, he'd increasingly chosen to take Ianto with him for investigations whereas it had always been Gwen in the past. As long as talking to people and being emphatic in order to get some information wasn't involved, it didn't really matter who joined Jack, Ianto figured. In a weird way it gave them the quality time they usually never had. He'd enjoyed sitting next to Jack on the drive up the M4 and through Pillgwenlly and Liswerry Industrial estates. The roads here – as anywhere else in Wales – were narrow and framed by thick shrubs. Sometimes Ianto thought it ridiculous how green even the Industrial estates in Wales were.

Jack had stopped in front of him, looking at something in the distance. Ianto stepped up next to him and followed his gaze accross the Bristol channel. It was only early afternoon but the light today was weak and Ianto could already make out the lights of Clevedon on the other side of the channel.

"You know what I always loved about Wales?" Jack said suddenly, without looking at Ianto.

"The local accent?" Ianto guessed, puzzled by the sudden question.

Just then a powerful wave crashed against the stones about a hundred feet away from them and enveloped them in a salty spray. Ianto muttered a curse and turned his back to the ocean. This raincoat might keep him dry against rain but the whole ocean was a different category. Plus the temperature had fallen significantly as the daylight kept fading.

Ianto surpressed a shiver and wrapped his arms around his middle in an attempt to keep warm.

He could feel Jack beside him spreading his arms, shouting over the roar of the water:

"It's the force of the nature! You can really feel the heart of the planet here."

"Must be a pretty coldhearted planet, then."

Jack chuckled at the sarcasm in Ianto's voice and turned to look at him.

Hunched over and shivering, Ianto was clearly not enjoying the forces of nature as much as Jack did.

"Come on, let's get some cover behind that lighthouse over there."

* * *

><p>It was a brain parasite. Ugly thing, slightly resembling a 'd found it near the entrance of the lighthouse. Jack had shot it within seconds after they'd laid eyes on it. The look on his face had been almost painful when he pulled the trigger.<p>

The storm had eased and it was about time they went back. Ianto had stored the remains of the parasite in a box and sealed it but Jack didn't seem like he wanted to leave.

He was standing a couple of yards away from the lighthouse, staring out onto the sea.

"Jack? The place is clean, no traces of rift energy left. I think we can leave now."

But Jack didn't respond.

"Jack?"

Ianto stepped up next to Jack to see what he was looking at, but there was nothing. He risked a glance at Jack's face from the corner of his eye, he could see that the amusement from before had vanished completely.

Ianto might not have been the best talker but his combination skills were fast and his ability to adapt to every mood and situation, was what had kept him sane inside Torchwood thus far.

So he decided to say nothing, but stay close to Jack because that was the best thing to do when Jack was unwillingly reminded of his past.

Together they watched the waves heave soundlessly in the distance. Fingers of fog crept towards the river delta from within the wetlands. The horn of a freighter could be heard from the direction of the docks.

Suddenly Jack spoke:

"This is the one thing that never changes while time continues."

His voice was calm, his gazed fixed on a point somewhere in the distance.

"Water. Wind. Day and Night. They will always be here, regardless of who or what lives on this planet."

Jack closed his eyes for short moment before continuing:

"It's the safest and most calming thing to open your eyes to."

Ianto didn't react or reply. He wasn't sure whether Jack would continue talking like this or not. While it made him feel slightly uncomfortable to see this thoughtful and vulnerable side of Jack, it also made him grateful. It made him, Ianto, feel like he was someone special in Jack's long life. In a strange way it made him feel like Jack needed him.

Although there wasn't much he could offer. No immortality, no time machine, no amazing fighting skills. He was just Ianto Jones, always there when you needed him.

"During that time...when I was..."

Jack stopped mid-sentence. He dug his hands deeper into his coatpockets and cleared his throat.

"Something happened to me," his voice had risen slightly, he pressed his lips together in a thin line before he went on:

"It brought back memories. Painful memories,"

Jack's head bent forward and he fixed his gaze on the tips of his boots.

"The way I am. These things that happened, they made me become this person."

He was looking into Ianto's eyes now. Ianto hadn't even noticed that he'd been staring at Jack. Jack's gaze was intense. Burning into Ianto's eyes so much, he had to blink away a shadow.

"I know it's hard for you to be with me like this, Ianto."

The beginning of a smile started to form on Jack's lips.

"Although you hardly show it. I guess having your own dark chapter of the past makes you the most understanding person around."

Jack had turned around completely to face Ianto. The emotions which before had displayed wildly on his face, had become calmer. There was something so earnest in the way Jack looked at him that it made Ianto avert his gaze.

Two heartbeats passed and he could feel the palm of Jack's hand warm against his cheek.

"You truly are different than any other man I've met, Ianto Jones."

Ianto pressed his eyes closed. The world was spinning around him. What was happening here?

"Ianto."

Silence.

"Ianto, look at me. Please."

Ianto's eyes flew open at the sound of the unfamiliar word from Jack's lips.

Jack shifted closer, just a slice of air was separating them now. Jack's thumb gently caressed the skin over Ianto's cheekbone, seconds later his other hand mirrored the gesture.

Jack opened his mouth as if to say something, but instead he closed the last remaining distance between them and kissed Ianto's lips slowly, gently, carefully.

Jack's breath washed warmly over Ianto's face and he closed his eyes before he tilted his head to return the kiss.

The only time Jack had kissed him like this was after he'd been gone for days after facing down Abaddon. There was something slightly different about it now, though. It seemed more heartfelt, less guarded. It made Ianto's heartrate increase. He started to feel dizzy and hot. His hands reached up to cup Jack's jaw and Jack nuzzled into the trembling touch.

They stayed like this for a while, eyes closed, sharing each other's breath and lips barely touching.

When Jack spoke again it was hardly more than a whisper:

"I want you to know something, Ianto,"

Ianto slowed his breath and listened.

"There are still so many things to be afraid of even if you can't die."

Jack paused and swallowed hard, his voice had become slightly hoarse.

"Some things are worse than death and..."

Jack moved in for a gentle embrace and whispered into Ianto's ear:

"I just want you to know that I trust you."

Ianto didn't respond, instead he wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and rested his hands on the small of Jack's back.

_For as long as I can, Jack. I will always be there to hold you._


End file.
